Love Languages

Have you ever heard the phrase “live life like you were dying?” It’s a beautiful concept (focusing energy on things that matter most).  If this concept rings true for life, shouldn’t it also ring true for our most important relationships?

Couples often come into counseling having “fallen out of love.”  Sometimes they find that they have poured all of their energy into important priorities like careers, children, and personal growth.  Other times it is unexpected struggles like chronic illness, tragic loss, or other difficult circumstances that require attention and energy. Regardless of the reason, when relationships are taken for granted, they suffer.

The Gottman’s suggest treating your relationship as you did when you were still courting each other. Did you write each other letters? Did you spend hours on the phone learning about each other’s lives, dreams, and fears?  Did you devote your precious time/energy towards each other?

What if you began treating your most important relationship as if it was brand new? One way to devote energy to your relationship is to learn together. One insightful resource for learning to  love your significant other in the way they need to be loved is the book, “The 5 Love Languages’” by  Dr. Gary Chapman. In this book, you learn about the different ways we give and receive love. To express love, its’s important to understand how our significant other receives love. For example, let’s say your significant other receives love primarily through words of affection.  Yet, growing up in your family, you rarely shared love or care verbally. This may not come naturally, and your significant other may be missing an important assurance of your love, and you don’t even know it!  Here’s another example; Imagine that you express love through acts of service, and that means working long hours to support your family. However, your spouse’s primary love language is quality time.

If you feel like you’re falling out of love, or if you’re just focused on other priorities, maybe it’s time to fall in love again!!!