When life is messy
A client recently gave me a book by Matthew Kelly called “Life is Messy.” Mr. Kelly’s perspective on how we respond to life’s rollercoaster of highs and lows really got me thinking. He speaks of unexpected and unavoidable messes in our lives. Per Mr. Kelly, “The mess isn’t the problem. The problem is our erroneous belief that everything should be immaculate, orderly, neat, tidy, and in its place.”
When I was a kid, I used to shoot baskets in the driveway. I would image myself making the winning shot in games, and I could control the outcome in my imagination. If I missed the shot, I could do it over again. I had control over the outcome. Life doesn’t work that way. Sometimes we do make the shot, but sometimes we miss. Sometimes, missing the shot turns out to be exactly what we need. Often, it’s the missed shot (the lost job, broken relationship, financial hardship, even loss of a loved one) that leads us to deeper discovery.
When you experience life’s unexpected hardships, you may experience grief, anger, and fear. What you can’t see while in the middle of this experience, is the way your life, and often those around you, literally take shape in every painful moment. It’s often in your most difficult moments that you find purpose, connection, support, and even love. Be willing to share your struggle with someone you trust. If you’re fearful to be a burden, go back and read my blog called “Burden or Privilege.”
When we’re in the mess, we often do everything we can to skip over the pain and feel comfort. As Mr. Kelly points out, “each feeling teaches you something specific. They are only passing through unless you ignore them. Then they will stay until you attend to them.” Instead, we distract ourselves with activities or work. We find relief in medication, or comfort in alcohol or substances.
Unfortunately, time and distractions don’t heal wounds alone. You feel emotions for things that have meaning to you, and you also possess the ability to heal. It’s not a clean process. Like the rest of life, it’s messy. You can handle it if you take the time to walk through it. You don’t have to do it alone, in fact I would encourage you to lean on your family, lean on your faith, and lean on your friends.
Remember that YOU are resilient. And YOU can handle today.
