A Guide to Surviving Anxiety
Anxiety impacts so many teens and it can leave them feeling helpless. We don’t know why some of us carry anxiety to a debilitating level, while others are able to set worries aside. Anxiety clearly has a genetic component. We also know that anxiety is learned (by our brain) from past experiences and traumas. In Natalie Daniels’s book, “Anxiety Sucks! A Teen Survival Guide,” she provides an effective game plan (helpful for adults too) for facing anxiety head on. I’ll summarize it with additional thoughts around what I’ve seen with clients. I hope you find this helpful!
Step one: Awareness You need to recognize your anxiety when it shows up. What are you aware of first, the thoughts or the feeling? Typically, the thoughts have a theme. Some common themes are around safety, judgement, crowds, fitting in, and they almost always being good enough. I think of these thoughts as your inner bully. What does your anxiety feel like? Is it a specific pain in your sternum or chest, or is it more of an overall tension? Does it impact your heart rate or your body temperature? Once you recognize your anxiety, you can name it and call it out. An important part of this process is separating the anxious thoughts from reality. Natalie Daniels recommends giving it a name that you don’t like (she uses Dictator). That way, if she has a thought like “everyone’s going to hate me,” she can instead change it to “Dictator’s telling me everyone is going to hate me.” Notice how different that subtlety feels.
Step two: Learn to catch the lies in the negative thoughts and talk back. After you learn to recognize your anxious thinking, you can learn to recognize distortions like mind reading and should statements. Look for unrealistic expectations and pay close attention to what your most worried about (the why). For example, if you’re theme is thinking that you’re not interesting enough, notice when you’re bringing that worry into situations. You can learn techniques for challenging distortions in Natalie Daniels’s book, or other resources on cognitive therapy.
Step three: Have a backup plan of healthy distractions. You won’t win every battle, so having a couple of go-to distractions can help get you through difficult moments. Examples include breathing activities, listening to music, calling a friend, playing a video game, prayer, exercise, etc. One tip with anxiety; it feeds on isolation, so if you’re able to verbalize your feelings to someone that can help.
Step four is the toughest: Face the fear with exposure. Do what your anxiety is telling you not to do! One way is with a gradual (ladder) approach which means starting with something minimally challenging and working your way up. Another technique involves jumping right into your worst fear and staying there until the fear subsides. Regardless of which technique you chose, exposure requires you to face your fear without distractions. You must prove to yourself that the anxiety (though extremely uncomfortable) can’t hurt you. Remember, the problem isn’t the situation, it’s the bully in your head!
