(Not) Seeing Stars

I’ve always enjoyed looking up at the night sky and trying to find constellations of stars. Living in the city, I can typically see a few on a clear night. If I stay focused for a few minutes, my eyes adjust and a few more stars may come into focus. Without a telescope, that’s the best I can do because of the lights from the city around me keeping me from seeing more.  There is so much more to see, but I can’t see it.

Occasionally, I get the opportunity to get away from the city. Spending a night away from city lights feels magical! You can gaze up into the sky and see thousands of bright stars! You don’t have to struggle to see the full night sky because it’s just there.  The only effort it takes is opening your eyes and look up. You see everything with an unfiltered clarity.  It’s hard to believe that it’s the same sky I view every night at home. 

While I’m at home, I rarely think about what I can’t see. I simply go about my life with my limited, filtered view. I must really be aware of what I don’t see for it to even matter to me.

I imagine that depression works in a similar way. The negativity that has permeated one’s thoughts, feelings, beliefs, (really one’s whole reality) acts like those city lights. It filters the view and someone struggling with depression is no longer seeing the same reality that others do. Instead of missing out on stars, he or she may be missing out on life moments and activities, and even connection with others. 

Imagine two young boys who have never left their homes. One lives out in the country and the other lives in a city. If they were to get on the phone one night and talk about what they see in the sky, they would struggle to understand each other because they see the sky so differently.  The boy in the country might suggest that the city boy try harder to see all the bright stars that fill the sky, but no matter how hard he tries, he wouldn’t be able to. He would have to go somewhere without the city lights (remove the filter).

When we know someone who is depressed, it’s tempting to tell them to try harder (just be happy), but it rarely works. They must remove the filter and the only way to begin that work is to understand what their filter is.  Depression represents something important to that person.  They may need to accept a difficult situation or shift expectations. It may require space to share with someone safe.  It may be a spiritual journey to understand what matters most.  It’s a journey worth taking… life, like the night sky, can be beautiful!!!